There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
