oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
