Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
