During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I need to align my fucking chakras
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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