thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
