the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
