the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
