and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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