____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
