Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Who died my cat blue again?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
