would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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