My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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