Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
