Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She needs sedatives and a leash
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
tell me about the eggs
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
