some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
