I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize