Soap is not a condiment
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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