Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
