I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
