I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
