But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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