Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
