How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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