And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
