Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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