Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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