I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
This is the high leading the old right now
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize