why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
