You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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