I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
