I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
