I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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