9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
