i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
