meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
