I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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