So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
