is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
