Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
