It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
