Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
