She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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