I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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