I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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