We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
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