i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
