I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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