I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
