We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
