i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
