so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i came on her dog
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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