I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
