I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
