I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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