Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
