South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
