I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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