If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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