There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
