so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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