Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
