When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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