people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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