omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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