problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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