I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
fuck your aforementioned shoe
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
