After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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