I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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