i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
