Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
two words...techno handjob
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
