I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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