She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
