I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
