nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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