I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
