There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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