im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
