You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
