Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
