it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
he shaved USA in his pubs
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
