are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize